June 2011
13 posts
If I Had a Twitter Account
I’d post shit like this:
I’m glad I’m not one of those sex fetishist who needs to pop balloons to get off, that lives in the 1300s; because I bet inflatable goat bladders were expensive.
Dumping Ground
Recently a pair of Queen Elizabeth II’s underwear was sold at auction. While the purchase price is currently undisclosed, it is believed they were bought by a cheeky roustabout.
If I Had a Twitter Account
I’d post shit like this:
Do you think Beast from Beauty and the Beast had that lipstick tube dog dick? I bet yes, and it got fuzzies on it all the time.
If I Had a Twitter Account
I’d post shit like this:
I hear this a lot: “Live every day like it’s your last.” That means a lot to different people. For me that means I’m not brushing my teeth.
A Eulogy for Leonard B. Stern
The creator of Mad Libs, Leonard B. Stern, died this week. He was survived by his greasy wife, and 2 million farts. He will have a hairy funeral with 69 gold wieners in attendance. Leonard was known for his love of dirty boobs and sweaty butts. He often told people, “Diarrhea with gay butts. That’s all I need.”
In lieu of flowers please send poop to the Nerd House for...
If I Had a Twitter Account
I’d post shit like this:
People say cats have nine lives, but whenever I try to prove this, the cats I use must be on their ninth life.
Giving Up On Jokes
Here’s an idea for a joke that I’ve been trying this week that won’t work.
If the guy that played Wilson on Home Improvement had a terrible accident that put him in a wheelchair, he’d probably have a diminished role on the show. Or they’d get a smaller fence.
The Subtext of Super Mario Bros. 3
Super Mario with a southern accent: “Y’all, I think that ghost has a crush on me.”
Spa Kidz →
So here’s this website for spa treatments for children. I urge you to click this link because they have a song that plays automatically that everyone should hear. Songs like this make me feel just awful for deaf people. I initially just thought it was just a stupid business trying to give young girls a false sense of reality. Then, after spending a creepy amount of time on their website...
Winners and Losers Show →
Here’s Kenny DeForest and me on Hank Thompson’s podcast The Winners and Losers Show. Listen to me and Kenny slowly get drunk.
